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  • The Bizarrest Date in History March 29, 2012

    Author: Beach Combing | in : Contemporary , trackback

    Long-term readers of this blog will know that Beachcombing has a thing about futurist food: previous posts have included, indeed, an overview of attempts by the futurists to revolutionize what we eat and, perhaps better, still an unusual meal that ended with a woman being devoured.

    For those who have not the time or the inclination to go back and dig up past dirt futurist food was all about sensual experience. Ideally, the futurists argue, we should reject the ghastly duties of alimentation. Nutrition should be given to us through a daily injection, with only powerful experiential blasts actually put into the mouth.

    Beachcombing recently stumbled upon another exceptional futurist recipe set: this time from a futurist date. As our author puts it : ‘a shy lover yearns to express his feelings to a beautiful and intelligent woman. The following Declaration of Love Dinner served on the terrace of a grand hotel in the twinkling night of the city will help him achieve his aim.’

    Enjoy now the following menu and note the strangely abject attitude of the ‘beautiful and intelligent woman’ who first must eat bread and butter on instruction while the man looks on, after must sun herself in mirrored plate, after again will get in trouble for batting an eyelid and then is presumably to answer ‘your place’ in reply to the inevitable question from our ‘shy’ paramour.

    Beach can’t help asking himself at which course most modern ‘beautiful and intelligent’ women will have made an excuse and legged it to the taxi rank.

    I Desire You: antipasto composed of a myriad selection of exquisite tid-bits, which the waiter will only let them admire, while She contents herself with bread and butter.

    Flesh Adored: a big plate made from a shining mirror. In the centre, chicken slices perfumed with amber and covered with a thin layer of cherry jam. She, while eating, will admire her reflection in the plate.

    This is How I’ll Love You: Little tubes of pastry filled with many different flavours, one of plums, one of apples cooked in rum, one of potatoes drenched in cognac, one of sweet rice, etc. She, without batting an eyelid, will eat them all.

    Super Passion: A very compact cake of sweet pastry with small cavities on the top filled with anise, glacier mints, rum, juniper and Amaro.

    Tonight with Me: A very ripe orange enclosed in a large hollowed-out sweet pepper, embedded in a thick zabaglione [egg yolks, wine and sugar] flavoured with juniper and salted with little bits of oyster and drops of sea water.

    While pondering this Beach wondered too whether there is not a bizarre history file to be opened on important historical dates: dates that included great men and women (what was it like to end up at a restaurant with Stalin?); dates that mattered (dates that changed the lives of the participants); and disastrous dates (dates that led to bloodshed). But Beachcombing came up with an almost complete blank. Any ideas: drbeachcombing AT yahoo DOT com



    30/April/2012: John G offers some ‘bad’ dates: Tony Blair and Gordon Brown at The Granita Restaurant, The Last Supper, Elements of the Glencoe Massacre, Alexander and the burning of The Palace of Xerxes (Probably not strictly a date), The death of Christopher Marlowe, I read one account that it was an argument about the bill, it’s a pity that TB and GB didn’t have a similar dispute. How different would the world be if Cleopatra hadn’t had her unusual date with Julius Caesar?’ Then Wade chips in with dating that results in family honor killing. Thanks John and thanks Wade!