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  • Jokes From World War 2 October 28, 2013

    Author: Beach Combing | in : Contemporary , trackback

    jokes ww

    Unlike our previous post on jokes about the World Wars here are a series of jokes from world war two. Beach can’t guarantee that every single one came from the the period between Sept 1939 and the summer of 1945, but they have a contemporary feel. Here are his favourites. Note a factory worker, Marianne Elise K. was executed for telling the first one, so don’t laugh too hard.

    German joke: Hitler and Göring are standing atop the Berlin radio tower. Hitler says he wants to do something to put a smile on Berliners’ faces. So Göring says: ‘Why don’t you jump?’

    American joke/anecdote: Japanese and American soldiers often threw insults at each other across no man’s land. One exchange though ended in mutual laughter. ‘F***k Roosevelt!’, ‘No f***k Tojo!’, ‘No f***k, Eleanor Roosevelt.’ One American wit shouted out: ‘Oh you can have her!’

    French Joke [there are many versions!]: 1943. A passenger train is fully loaded, and a German soldier, on leave, shares a compartment with a decrepit lady, a buxom French girl, and a young French man. The train enters a tunnel, and no one can see anything. A kiss is heard, then a hollow slap. When the train comes out of the tunnel German has a horrible black eye.’ ‘So lucky’ thinks the German soldier. ‘The French man gets the kiss and I get the blame!’ ‘Well done, my girl!’ thinks the old lady. ‘You stood up the to the Kraut brute!’ The buxom girl is puzzled. ‘Why would the German kiss that old lady?’ The Frenchman, meanwhile, thinks ‘How clever I am! I kiss the back of my hand, hit the German and no one suspects me!’

    Finnish joke: German definition of ideal war = German weapons, Russian winter equipment, British summer equipment, American rations, French entertainment tournees, Italians as foes and Finns guarding flanks.

    Polish joke: A Polish submarine captain is asked: ‘you see in your periscope a German and a Soviet cruiser. Which one do you attack first?’ ‘Of course the German one’ the Pole answers, ‘duty comes always before pleasure.’

    British joke from the Desert War: ‘When clock goes forward it goes tictac but when Rommel goes backwards it’s tactic.’

    Soviet joke: During the war, Stalin discussed with Marshal Zhukov the plans for a new offensive. ‘What do you think, comrade Zhukov, what direction should we choose for the attack?’ ‘West, comrade Stalin.’ ‘Go and think, comrade Zhukov!’ As Zhukov walked out, he muttered, ‘What a pig!’ Stalin’s secretary Poskrebyshev overheard the Marshal and reported to Stalin. Zhukov was ordered back to Stalin’s office. ‘Whom did you have in mind when you said ‘What a pig?’’ Stalin asked. ‘Of course, I meant Hitler,’ Zhukov said. ‘Then whom did you have in mind, comrade Poskrebyshev?’ Stalin said.

    Italian joke: It’s late 1940. Hitler calls Mussolini on the phone: ‘Benito aren’t you in Athens yet?’ ‘I can’t hear you Adolf.’ ‘I said aren’t you in Athens yet?’ ‘I can’t hear you. You must be ringing from a long way off, presumably London.’

    Anti-Italian Jokes: What is the Italian battle flag? A white cross on a white background; What is the shortest book ever written? Italian War Heroes; What’s got six reverse gears and one forward gear? An Italian tank. The forward gear is in case they get attacked from behind’; ‘What nation’s soldiers had the most sunburnt armpits of WWII?’.’ Italy’s soldiers’.

    NB various sources here but many from Axis History

    Any other jokes? Roll them in: drbeachcombing AT yahoo DOT com

    31 October 2013: Stephen D writes in with a home-made but very amusing selection. ‘Definition of nightmare war = Italian weapons, German winter equipment, Finnish summer equipment, British rations, American entertainment tournees, Russians as foes and French guarding flanks.’*** Tacitus from Detritus writes in with this beauty. ‘Technically this is not a WWII joke, but deals with the preliminaries for same.  And honestly, once a war starts doesn’t it get a lot less funny….Instantly? Back when German rearmament was more rumor than admitted fact there was a man who worked in a factory that make baby carriages.  His wife insisted that he smuggle home parts to make one for their own child. To their great surprise when the task was accomplished under cover of darkness they found that they had not a pram but a Messerschmidt….’ Love that! Thanks Tacitus and Stephen D!

    24 Dec 2014: Southern Man writes in ‘Just found a flurry of jokes from 1942 that the German retreat in Russia depended on an arrival of Italian boots. Laughed? I cracked my side… This got me curious and I began to search a little more systematically. I found one reference to a joke from Brussels Sept 1944 of the Germans waking up to find that a series of canonballs on an ornamental canon had been painted V1. I liked that one!’ Beach is reminded of his Brussels joke from WW1.