Jokes from WW1 November 22, 2013Author: Beach Combing | in : Contemporary , trackback
A recent post included jokes of the Second World War and jokes about the Second World War. Here is a sister post on jokes from the First World War. These are trickier to track down but some are still fun and deserve respect and a reading. Others gratefully received: drbeachcombing AT yahoo DOT com Beach regrets to say that he has still not read the Wipers Times though he has heard great things.
1) Some soldiers of an infantry regiment stationed at Basel were sitting in a cafe. One had as his vis-a-vis a German civilian.
‘Would you fire on the Germans if they came to Switzerland?’ asked the German.
‘No’ said the Swiss.
‘Waiter! A glass of beer for this brave soldier,’ ordered the German, ‘and your comrades at the next table,’ he continued ‘would they fire on the Germans?’
‘They would no more fire on the Germans than I would.’
‘Excellent!’ exclaimed the German ‘Waiter, glasses of beer for all these soldiers. Tell me, dear friend,’ he went on, ‘are the Swiss soldiers as good friends of the Germans as you are?’
‘Ah I cannot say,’ said the soldier.
‘But tell me why you personally would not fire on the Germans?’
‘Because I’m in the band.’
2) The Teacher’s Monthly reports that a firm in Empoli [Italy], to whom a large German firm owed six thousand lire, received the following reply to its request for payment: ‘we are going first to Paris and Rome, then, on our way home, we will settle our debt.’
3) Hindenberg after his death went straight to knock at the door of heaven. ‘Ah no’, said St Peter, ‘a great general like you ought at least to come with a horse.’ Hindenburg returned to earth and told his misadventure to the general staff. ‘What!’ cried the Crown Prince, ‘St Peter allowed himself to impose conditions on my greatest general! I will go with you and settle all that. But when St Peter saw them, he raised his hands and said, ‘But Hindenburg, you didn’t understand me then? It old you to come with a horse, not with an ass.’
4) German joke about English: Much admiration has been awakened by the self-sacrificing resolve of the British Peer following on the announcement that the only certain means of destroying a Zeppelin was for an airman to dash in an aeroplane with full force into the airship. After a sleepless night the Peer hastened to the Secretary for War and told him that, as he could no longer bear to think of the danger his country was in, he was ready to offer £5 for the burial expenses of any Belgian or French airman who met his death in destroying a Zepplin.
5) German food joke: Customer: Are you bringing me that pancake? Waiter: Directly, sir. We have just telephoned again to the Ukraine.
6) Another German food joke: A German court-martial sitting at Golmar sentenced a local merchant to a fine of £5 for repeating in a public restaurant there the joke about ordering a sandwich at a Prussian railway buffet and being served with a meat ticket between two bread tickets.
7) [I fear this was not a joke] A girl munition worker charged at Hawarden with stealing a quantity of high explosive explained that she took it to cure a corn. [wth!]
8) A loyal Hopkinsville girl is so patriotic that she threatened to give back her sweetheart’s ring because he called her Hunny. [thanks to Invisible for this one]
9) And from the trenches just to remember what violence does to humour: At an officers mess there was great laughter at the story of one our men [British], who had spent his last cartridge in defending an attack. ‘Hand me down your spade, Mike,’ he said, and as six Germans came one by one round the end of the traverse he split each man’s skull with a deadly blow. ‘Splendid fellow! Said a military chaplain laughing very heartily… That man ought to have a Victoria’s Cross.’
23 Nov 2013: The Count, who is back in town, writes: Lots and lots and LOTS to be found here! I don’t understand most of the text, but the imagery is tremendous fun! *** This deserves a post in itself. Invisible sends in: The New War Game. Even the terrible war which is raging has its humors, and a story apropos of the starved condition of the German soldiers, which comes officially from Brussels, is much appreciated by the Allies. It concerns a soldier in the carbineers who has already made quite a lot of German prisoners. “I do not take my rifle with me now. I go out with a slice of bread and butter, and they follow me.” Her Dainty Passport. A Swedish actress, says the Stockholm correspondent of “The Daily Telegraph,” narrates how she was taken for a German spy in Paris, and not knowing how to proclaim her identity, and being surrounded by a shouting mob, she felt quite alarmed. Suddenly a lucky idea occurred to her. She slightly raised her skirt, and, showing a dainty little foot, exclaimed: “You look at this. Do you call this German?” She was saved and carried in triumph to her hotel. New York Tribune 27 December 1914: p. 3 Thanks Count and thanks Invisible!
29 Nov 2013: Bruce sends in this classic: British sentry: “Halt, who goes there?” Response: “Scots Guards.” Sentry: “Pass, Scots Guards.” Sentry: “Halt, who goes there?” Response: “The Buffs.” Sentry: “Pass, The Buffs.” Sentry: “Halt, who goes there?” Response: “Mind your own goddamn business!” Sentry: “Pass, Canadians.” And Stephen D. This subtler but beautiful effort: Q. If Bread is the Staff of Life, what is the Life of the Staff? A. One long loaf. Thanks, guys!